The 5 Bars and Restaurants I’d Like to See Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce Frequent in Los Angeles

I’m not qualified to dispense advice on much, unless the topic in question is a) blogging, b) purchasing plus-size vintage in literally any state in the U.S. or c) Real Housewives. But when I first became aware of the bars and restaurants that Taylor Swift and her NFL boyfriend Travis Kelce were visiting in my own adopted city of Los Angeles, I immediately knew I had to offer some alts, even though the couple in question will likely never see them. I would never presume to pass judgment on how people—even extremely rich, famous, attractive people—spend their time dining out, but…Barney’s Beanery? How did Tay’s security detail green-light that one?

Other LA haunts that Taylor and Travis have reportedly hit include Nobu in Malibu, which is objectively a very nice and fancy place to get sushi and enjoy the view, but…I’m sorry, I think this celeb couple deserves better. Without further ado, here’s my (totally subjective) list of places where Taylor and Travis should be dining and drinking in LA:

What I’m gathering from Taylor and Travis’s Barney’s Beanery excursion is that they want to be somewhere divey and chill, ideally with food, and I can’t think of a better place for them to unwind than this tiny, extremely fun bar that serves Thai food and lethally strong drinks. Plus, there’s a parking lot—you know, for their limos.

Granted, Taylor and Travis probably aren’t looking for the same budget all-you-can-eat sushi deals that I am, but everyone appreciates a bargain, even superstars and pro athletes, right? I genuinely think that the sushi here can more or less hold its own against Nobu’s, and frankly, Malibu is so played out; I have it on good authority that the next big, sexy LA neighborhood will be Glendale. Taylor and Travis could grab a 6 p.m. table, stuff themselves with sushi, then walk around the Americana holding hands and buying Auntie Anne’s pretzels. I mean, what screams “true love” more loudly than sushi at the mall?

I’m not trying to be a food snob (Applebee’s is my one true love, after all), but the idea of Taylor and Travis eating pizza at Barney’s Beanery when there’s so much better Italian fare to be had in LA is making me break out in hives. Why not go to Little Dom’s, and eat a genuinely good margherita alongside all the other celebrities? Or, even better, they just rent out the restaurant!

Okay, I’m sorry for calling Malibu passé; crawling with annoying, rich beach bros though it may be, it’s still one of the most beautiful areas in LA, and I think Taylor and Travis would really be getting the best that it has to offer at this seafood-and-beer spot off the freeway. Not only does it have stunning vistas, but there’s the opportunity to absolutely stuff yourself with fried shrimp.

Hear me out: There’s an ocean view! My own partner took me here on one of our first dates, and I felt like an absolute princess eating cheeseburger spring rolls while the waves crashed softly just behind us. I want that for Taylor Swift, okay? It’s what every woman deserves.