Control freaks have had a bad rap. I should know: I am one, just like Kristen Stewart, my sister in arms, who recently revealed—in her signature rockstar drawl—that she’s “like, a total control freak” on the Smartless podcast, while discussing her desire to direct films instead of act in them. “If I could just design something all the time… I have to hold myself back from being like, ‘This is what everyone should do!’ You know?”
While a desire for control is often seen as an affliction—and it can be—Stewart’s point stayed with me. She attributed her own need for control to being a “rabble-rouser” and someone who leads the way, and in doing so she offered a different perspective on what has traditionally been seen as a negative quality. We control freaks are not all uptight, ultra-clean, prim and proper people; we make messes, have ideas, and generally don’t handle life perfectly. Some of us (me included) even go with the flow sometimes—we just like order in certain areas of our lives.
Isn’t it actually so-called control freaks’ scrupulous attention to detail that sets a team pitch or project apart from the rest? And aren’t they the kinds of people—often Type A—who push new and exciting ideas into the mainstream? I doubt many of the pioneers, adventurers, and change-makers in the history books managed to forge their paths without insisting on being in the driving seat. I’d even hazard a guess that our good friend William Shakespeare was a bit of a control freak—by dint of his profession, he certainly enjoyed controlling the narrative.
It’s not just super successful or notable figures in history who have used their desire for control for good; normal, relatively boring people like me (and many of my friends and colleagues) also make use of it. While, personally, it ensures I stay on top of my emails (inbox on zero is always the aim), make speedy renovation decisions (time is money!), and find solace in rigorous list-making, friends of mine say it helps them to maintain a well-balanced workout routine, stay on top of their groupchats (never easy), or be an A-grade organizer of social occasions.
All that said, letting go of control is a task that wellness influencers on Instagram would have me believe leads to eternal happiness, but are they correct? I asked Jodie Cariss, a therapist and founder of the therapy service Self Space, what she thinks.
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