What Is Loud Crushing? Experts Weigh In on the Dating Trend

Once upon a time, Valentine's Day was a rite of passage for singles, a perfect excuse to express fondness. Asking someone to be your valentine was a big deal, but it also wasn't that deep; it was basically like admitting you had a crush on them with roses and chocolates. The occasion showed up in all sorts of trivially romantic ways, like middle schoolers comparing love notes from secret admirers or high schoolers asking their crushes out to mini golf.

Then, sometime during the journey into adulthood, you never had a crush again. (Kidding.) But it does feel like a decade-plus of dating apps usage has created a separation in how society mingles: The art of shooting your shot within your network is dead, and with it, the practice of singles aiming Cupid's arrow at someone they like.

In fact, it's a dire dating problem because it seems the only place where people feel comfortable facing rejection is online. But if the AI metamorphosis of society has taught us hopeless romantics anything, we want a return to form for our humanity. We want to bring back flirting with strangers in public (there's nothing that can't be done with class)! We're embracing having eras of secret infatuation because our hearts romanticize the world and are not diluted in endless swiping and step-and-repeat messaging. We're handing out our phone numbers on Post-it notes and shamelessly taking up new hobbies for the sake of socializing.

We're breaking free from instant dopamine that no longer serves us — but also acknowledging that we need to find more of it in real life. On that note, it's time Valentine's Day is reclaimed for its rightful demographic: singles. You might think that you need to have a partner to celebrate romance, but what you really need is a crush . . . and the willingness to approach them. And please don't roll your eyes, but, yes, there's a trending buzzword for it.

Experts Featured in This Article

Katie Dissanayake is a dating coach and the co-founder and CEO of the After dating app.

Alessandra Conti is a dating expert, celebrity matchmaker, and co-founder of the matchmaking firm, Matchmakers in the City.

Trevor Kuhn is a dating expert and coach specializing in single gay men in their 30s and 40s.

What Is “Loud Crushing”?

Katie Dissanayake, the co-founder of the dating app After, tells PS she predicts “loud crushing” will take the internet by storm throughout 2025. “Loud crushing is all about celebrating the fun of dating — whether it's a new match, a first date, or a new special someone giving you butterflies,” she says. “Focusing on the bad dates is out, celebrating the good ones is in.”

Dissanayake points to an increasing number of TikTokers who have decided to bare their hearts on their digital footprints' sleeves. (Case in point, the following trends: Excuse me, you look like you love me; Jacked and kind; My man is my man; I did one thing right.) However, it can feel like a chicken-and-egg problem because you need a crush to have a crush. Besides, professing your admiration to someone on the internet can come across as incredibly corny and horny — and not always in the smart way that makes you smirk. Then again, the merging of corny and horny can sometimes equal romance, and there are plenty of organic ways to practice loud crushing in real life.

Can Loud Crushing Help Singles Reclaim Valentine's Day?

This author likes to borrow inspiration from women who know how to get what they want: the Real Housewives. So, naturally, I borrowed “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” star Sutton Stracke's matchmaker, Alessandra Conti, for an emergency session. She says the concept sounds like a natural follow-up to last year's “loud looking” trend. “It called for people to be very vocal and intentional about what they're looking for in a partner,” Conti tells PS. “Loud crushing can be a continued positive shift from the kind of ambiguity often bred in dating apps.”

The celebrity matchmaker explains there's a paradox of choice in dating because there are no limits to swiping and matching. People might not develop crushes simply because they don't give themselves the mental space to let one grow. Conti says healthy dating means letting go of the idea of finding the “perfect date” and focusing on positive ones.

“It's deleting the dating apps. It's getting back into real-life events — taking a pickleball class, joining a CrossFit gym, or even volunteering for a charity,” Conti says. “There are so many different ways to meet people when you step back into the world.”

Unfortunately, the trend is coming on short notice for singles this Valentine's Day, so it's important to remember you can't force a crush. However, you can make lemonade out of the smallest lemon, and there's no rulebook dictating the strength of a crush. Gifting someone Valentine's Day-themed chocolates will brighten their day at worst and spark a connection at best. You don't have to get on your knees and beg for their love, but Conti says it's important to be warm and friendly. Remember flirting? It's the dance of acting like you like them without screaming, “I LIKE YOU.” But then again, the point here is to do it loudly.

Still, dating coach Trevor Kuhn tells PS loud crushing can be seen as prioritizing quality over quantity, something his gay male clientele understand all too well. Too much of any good thing can still be a bad thing. “It's important not to put all this pressure on one person and have that scarcity mindset,” he says. “I'm a huge proponent of reframing your mindset around dating, and this includes not focusing on outcomes.” In other words, focus on opening the door to connection instead of landing a date.

“Valentine's Day used to be a holiday in which you could be playful, flirty, even innocent, like children giving everyone in class chocolates,” he says, adding that singles now perceive it to be a “hands-off” holiday. “But it could really be an opportunity to express yourself to someone.”

Jamie Valentino is a Colombian-born freelance journalist and romance columnist published in the Chicago Tribune, the Houston Chronicle, Men's Journal, Reader's Digest UK, Vice, and more. Jamie has worked as a travel correspondent, covering the 2022 World Cup from Argentina, siesta culture in Barcelona, and the underground nightlife scene in Milan.