The Cost of Learning How to Orgasm: See the Receipts

Welcome to Show the Receipts, a series where we ask interesting people to share exactly how much it costs to get shit done. No matter the task, we're tracking every last dollar from start to finish. Up next: learning how to orgasm.

The first time Caitlin Turner* had sex, she didn't have an orgasm like she thought she would. “I wanted to experience what was shown in the movies, so I was really let down when I did not experience that,” she tells PS. Though she admits she didn't even know how to have an orgasm at the time, she still felt pressure to cum because that's what she thought was “normal.”

When Turner started masturbating more often after that experience, she still struggled to orgasm. “I felt like there was something wrong with me, like I was letting my body down,” she says. “It made me feel really insecure about my body and sexuality.”

Of course, what is “normal” when it comes to orgasming during any type of sex depends on the person. But for a lot of people with vaginas, not orgasming at all is very common: According to a study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, only 21 to 30 percent of women orgasm during penetration exclusively. But the study also found that “most women report reliably experiencing orgasm from masturbation,” which is why Turner often felt frustrated and disappointed she was never able to get there herself.

In an effort to successfully learn how to orgasm, Turner then turned her attention to other solutions that perhaps money could buy: sex toys, therapy, and doctor appointments. Three years later, she finally figured out how to orgasm — but not without paying the price.

Here's the full cost breakdown.

Task: Having an orgasm
Age: 27
Location: New Jersey
Timeline: Three years

The Receipts

Sex toys: $200
Mental health therapy: $1,000
Physical therapy: $675
Psychiatrist: $400
Total: $2,275

How I Did It

Turner started her journey by educating herself, often listening to sex-positive podcasts in an effort to release any internalized shame she had about sex and orgasms. From there, she felt confident enough to invest in a variety of different sex toys amount to $200. But when the sex toys didn't immediately work, she surmised her struggle to orgasm was more of a mental blockage than a physical one.

That's when she started pouring her energy into mental health therapy ($70 per session), physical therapy ($45 per session), and seeing a psychiatrist to help adjust her antidepressants ($100 per session). All of these avenues helped Turner realize that the reason she was having a hard time orgasming was because of sexual trauma she experienced as a child. “I held a lot of trauma down there, and in order to release it, I had to process my sexual trauma,” she says. “Once I did that, I found my sweet spot.”

PS: How did spending money on therapy help you learn how to orgasm?
Turner: Therapy helped me realize that it's not that the vibrator isn't doing its job, it's that I'm not relaxed enough to feel it. I was so tight down there from the sexual trauma, so it wasn't until I actually processed the sexual abuse that I felt like I could achieve an orgasm; it helped me finally relax those muscles. Physical therapy, on the other hand, has helped me tremendously with learning to just love my body.

PS: What are some unexpected expenses that helped you learn how to orgasm?
Turner: I decided to come off of some anxiety medications and antidepressants with the help of a psychiatrist, and that has definitely allowed me to actually feel more and have more sexual arousal, which makes it easier for me to orgasm now.

PS: What's been the best financial investment in learning how to orgasm?
Turner: Purchasing the Satisfyer Pro ($70). I love it because it is a reasonable size, it has different speeds, and it fits around the clitoris perfectly. I also love it because it is slick and cool: I have the pink one, and I think having a vibrator that is cute just adds more fun to the experience. Plus, I love how the intensity of the vibration is super flexible, and it really allows me to get comfortable with myself.

PS: Is there anything you paid for that you don't think was worth it?
Turner: Nope, everything was worth it because it all taught me so much about myself and my body.

PS: Would you say that learning how to orgasm is an expensive endeavor?
Turner: It is expensive because you have to buy the right toys that you feel safe with, and that can be a trial and error process, which can be pricey, but once you find “the one,” it is worth the amount of money. Plus, therapy for me has been worth the financial investment because it has helped me with self confidence and learning how to love my body.

Final Thoughts

Learning to orgasm is a normal experience, and it's something many struggle with. Despite how often you might see orgasms in sexy Netflix shows or movies, there's no one-size-fits-all-approach to reaching an orgasm. For Turner, a big part of orgasming was focusing on the mental side of the experience. But for others, it could be something as simple as finding the right toy or masturbation technique.

At the end of the day, learning how to orgasm is allowing yourself to experience pleasure in whatever way that looks like to you. For Turner, working through the mental blockages was enough: “Learning about my body, and what sexual trauma does to the body, helped me really understand myself.”

*Name has been changed

Taylor Andrews (she/her) is the balance editor at PS, specializing in topics relating to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, travel, and more. With seven years of editorial experience, Taylor has a strong background in content creation and storytelling. Prior to joining PS in 2021, she worked at Cosmopolitan.