Solo Dining Etiquette — What Servers Wish You Knew

There’s something special about going out to eat by yourself, but a lot of people don't recognize it. Some might feel it’s awkward, or that others in the restaurant will wonder why you are alone. As a longtime waiter, I can guarantee you that your server does not care at all. A “one top” can be a welcome reprieve on a busy night, giving us a chance to slow down and focus on a single person for a few minutes instead of dividing our attention among so many people that none of them are getting the service they deserve. 

If you’re eating alone, here are a few things to keep in mind to make it a truly great night.

You don't have to sit at the bar 

I recently saw a post that had gone viral about a restaurant that stated their policy of singles or couples only being allowed to sit at the bar or at hightop tables. Obviously, they wanted to save bigger tables for larger parties. There was a lot of blowback because some people felt that the restaurant was prioritizing profit and filling seats over the act of being hospitable. Not everyone is comfortable sitting at a bar. There might not be back to the barstool to lean or or some people just don’t want to sit elbow to elbow with a stranger. 

Personally, the bar is my favorite place to sit, but if a host says to a single diner, “You may feel most comfortable at the bar,” the diner has the option to say, “No, thank you.” Well, unless you’re at the aforementioned restaurant, but based on the comments on the post I saw, that policy may not be around for much longer.

Don’t rush through your meal 

It’s easy for the kitchen to get food out quickly for a table of one and a server will sometimes make an effort to hurry along a single person, but you don’t have to match their pace. This is your time, so enjoy it. I’m not saying it’s OK to read a few chapters of your book and nurse a cappuccino for half an hour when you can see a crowd of people waiting for a table, but you don’t have to be in and out in 20 minutes. You’re there to have a meal, just like a table of two or a table of four.

If you have to leave your seat, make sure your server knows you’re coming back 

You don't want to leave your phone, bag, or purse sitting at the table unaccompanied, but you also don't want the staff to think you left without paying. Or worse, you don't want your unfinished plate of food to be cleared from the table too early. That happened to me once as a server and the kitchen had to re-fire another pasta because the busser had inexplicably thrown away half an order of bucatini when my customer stepped away to the restroom.

There’s no reason to not enjoy dining solo 

I once had a regular who would come into the restaurant every couple of weeks. She was always alone, but she never seemed lonely. I could tell that she relished that night to herself. Sometimes she would read a book and sometimes she would just sit there completely content in her solitude. The first few times I waited on her, I tried to strike up a conversation, but it was obvious she wasn’t there for that. She wasn't rude by any means, but I could tell she didn't need to talk to anyone. She had herself, an appetizer, an entrée, two glasses of white wine, and always a dessert. It was her night and I was happy to help her have it. 

Even though there was a chair at her table that didn't get used, she always tipped as if there were two people sitting there. The tip didn't matter to me though. She was always nice and kind and she showed me how wonderful it can be to embrace your solitude and enjoy a meal with just yourself.