Should You Hometown Hookup? A Relationship Expert Explains

The hometown hookup is as much of a Thanksgiving tradition as cooking the turkey itself. It’s the time of year when you return home to familiar faces and places, only to suddenly become feral when you see your high school ex at the local Walmart.

Blame it on the nostalgia, the romantic vibes of the holiday season, or the fact that your old Algebra II partner learned how to grow a beard, but this time of year has a way of making old flames and crushes seem even hotter than before. Before you even have time to think about it, you coordinate a time to meet up and happily fall victim to the hometown hookup.

Of course, having sex with an ex or former crush when you’re home for the holidays isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can be a great time to, ahem, show off some new sex positions or kinks you’ve discovered since the last time you two were together. But still, it’s not always the right move.

When you connect with someone from the past, there’s always a chance that you won’t be able to keep those past feelings from resurfacing. And if those feelings do resurface, you might have to go through all of the same breakup stages you once had to endure before.

To help guide you through your journey of to or to not hometown hookup, relationship expert Nicole Moore comes through with some much needed advice.

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Nicole Moore is a relationship therapist and founder of the “Love Works Method,” a program that has helped people find lasting love fast.

What Is a Hometown Hookup?

A hometown hookup is what happens when you return home for the holidays and have sex with someone from your past. Whether it’s an ex or someone you previously had a crush on, a hometown hookup is normally a time to reconnect physically without any strings attached.

Moore says that a hometown hookup can happen one of two ways: it can be premeditated or completely spontaneous. “A holiday hookup can be planned in advance with some people having a long-standing tradition of always hooking up with a certain person when they go home for the holidays, or it can be spontaneous and unplanned when you happen to run into someone from the past,” she says.

The Appeal of a Hometown Hookup

Hooking up with someone from your hometown can spice up your holiday in the best of ways; it can even be pretty sexy. “Hometown hookups are often a mix of the comfort of someone you already know plus the newness of meeting each other as adults,” Moore says. You’ve also likely learned some new things in the bedroom you can show off.

Since the holidays are known for being a lonely time for singles, hometown hookups also help people find companionship fast. “With a hometown hookup, you basically get to skip to the fun part right away,” Moore adds. And since most people are more comfortable with people they already know or have hooked up with, there can be an “ease of connection” that otherwise wouldn’t be there if you were hooking up with someone new, Moore says.

Most importantly though, hometown hookups are convenient, and they can feel “way easier to arrange,” Moore says, “than trying to find a new connection during a hometown visit.” Moore adds, “A hookup with someone you already know can feel comfortable and familiar.”

Should You Hometown Hookup?

Before you “hey” your ex the next time you’re home for the holidays, ask yourself these questions: are you single? Are they single? Have you both worked through all of the lingering baggage or drama between the two of you? Are you able to hookup without any strings attached? If the answer is a resounding yes to every question, then Moore absolutely encourages you to reconnect for a hometown hookup. But if you didn’t answer yes to every question, it’s probably best to reevaluate.

In the case that you’re in a situationship or dating someone else non-exclusively, it may be OK to hookup with someone from your hometown, but Moore advises you to pause and consider whether the hookup will impact your connection with someone else. “Consider where your heart is at before jumping into the hookup,” Moore says.

If you do decide to hookup with someone from your hometown, consider setting boundaries beforehand to make sure you and your fling are on the same page. “You may want to set boundaries around how many times you’ll hook up or if you’ll communicate after the holidays,” Moore says. It’s also not a bad idea to have an honest conversation with your hometown hookup about their STI status.

At the end of the day, a hometown hookup can be a fun way to make your Thanksgiving that much hornier, but it’s also not worth it if reconnecting with someone from the past will hurt you. “While a holiday hookup can be great, it’s also an easy way to get disappointed if you set unrealistic expectations on the hookup or you’re secretly hoping it will turn into something more,” Moore says.

Taylor Andrews (she/her) is the balance editor at PS, specializing in topics relating to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, travel, and more. With seven years of editorial experience, Taylor has a strong background in content creation and storytelling. Prior to joining PS in 2021, she worked at Cosmopolitan.