I’ve Lived in Italy 15+ Years — Here Are 10 Unspoken Rules to Follow When You Visit

After living in Italy for over 15 years, I’ve learned to adhere to the social norms and customs that prevail in this country, from how to dress to when to eat. As a visitor, it might take you a while to pick up on these unspoken rules, but the sooner you do, the more you’ll feel at ease moving around the country and interacting with locals. Here are 10 things to know before traveling to Italy. 

Dress nicer.

Even if they’re not fresh off the runways of Milan, Italians, for the most part, are snappy dressers. Visitors can respect this unwritten dress code by looking sharp and wearing unwrinkled clothing that fits well, saving their workout clothes for the hotel gym, and keeping bra straps and underwear waistbands tucked away. It’s also common for churches to enforce dress codes that prohibit tank tops or short skirts (among other restrictions), but more on that below.

Eat later.

Though more and more restaurants in major Italian cities are offering all-day dining, you’ll have a more authentic experience if you adjust your body clock to Italian dining hours. That means 1 p.m. (maybe 12:30 at the earliest) for lunch and 7:30 p.m. or later for dinner. While these hours may be late by the standards of many other countries, it’s just more fun to eat in a restaurant that’s filled with other diners — and you may even find that some restaurants don’t even open for dinner service until 7 p.m.

Don’t share single portions of food.

Sharing a forkful of pasta with your dining partner is one thing. Splitting a bowl of pasta (or a steak) with them is another, and it’s generally more frowned upon in Italy than at home. Food in Italy is meant to be enjoyed in abundance, not with a sense of denying oneself the pleasure of eating. If you know you have a small appetite, you might ask for a half-portion of pasta. But apart from the occasional dessert, Italian dishes aren’t usually meant for going halfsies. 

Get out of the way.

Our sidewalks and grocery store aisles are narrower. Our restaurant tables are closer together. Our trains and buses are frequently shoulder-to-shoulder. For the sake of common courtesy, North Americans used to their wide-open spaces and large personal space bubbles need to be spatially aware. That means stepping out of the middle of the sidewalk when you check directions on your phone, scooting your chair in when another restaurant patron has to pass behind you, or stowing your luggage on a crowded train, rather than leaving it where someone could sit.

Speak more quietly.

Are Italians quiet all the time, especially in public? Gosh no. But as often as not, they’re speaking to each other in a volume where their conversation can’t be overheard. Though my American brethren are often considered the loudest tourists, visitors from all over the world can take a lesson here. The table next to you doesn’t want to hear about how many countries you’ve visited, your relationship status, or your dog. (Well, I’d probably like to hear about your dog.) Keep your conversations low-key and voices dialed down a few notches.

Greet people.

You may not be accustomed to people greeting you with a cheerful “good day!” when you walk into TJMaxx. But here in Italy, it’s a social norm to make eye contact and to say hello (buongiorno during the day, buonasera from about 4 p.m.) and goodbye (arrivederci) to strangers, especially in stores, restaurants, elevators, and anyplace else where there may be one-on-one interaction. Note that ciao is an informal hello or goodbye that shouldn’t be used unless you’re already on familiar terms with the person you’re addressing. 

Be respectful in churches.

Whatever your faith, there’s no denying that Italy’s cathedrals, basilicas, and churches are art-filled and often architecturally astounding monuments to human creativity — but they’re also places of worship that should be treated with respect. That means observing the dress code of no bare shoulders, excessive cleavage, or shorts or skirts above the knees, and no hats inside. Speak quietly, give space to people who are there to worship, and obey any posted rules about photography. 

 Don’t talk about “them.”

You may get frustrated with a rude waiter, a late bus, or a museum that’s closed when it’s supposed to be open, but don’t vent in public, and especially don’t do the “othering” thing of talking about Italians in terms of them vs. us and thinking that no one within earshot understands you. For starters, it’s rude in any setting or country. Plus, many Italians speak or understand at least some English, and they’ll know when you’re talking about them.  

Don’t get drunk.

I know, I know. The wine is cheap and good, and those Aperol spritzes are so pretty and colorful. But too much of a good thing is a bad thing here, and flat-out public drunkenness is fairly rare for Italians. So do as the Italians do, and stop when you reach the point of being allegro (or allegra, for women), which translates to “cheerful”, but can mean tipsy or buzzed. 

Pack your patience.

In Italy, meals can take hours, trains can be late, and tedious chores like post office runs or doctor’s visits can seemingly take forever. You can save yourself some stress and disappointment by not over-planning your days and jam-packing your trip itineraries. Anytime things aren’t moving as fast as you think they should, I advise you to take a deep breath, remember again why you decided to vacation here, and allow yourself time to be charmed by the slow pace of Italian life.