When I was in the process of my own personal trauma work, I distinctly remember the moment I turned to my partner of over a decade and their love hit me like a crashing wave. I had locked away some aspect of my ability to feel deeply loved inside a trauma story of my own — it had nothing to do with how they interacted with me, it was my own dark passenger, and it would dismiss or block deeper moments of connection from my safest person. Trauma is funny like that. Even though I’m a therapist, at that moment I had a new appreciation: therapy works if you truly do the work. It sounds like you might both have the support of therapists, and when things feel ready it could be worth trying couples therapy. To help you both step into each other’s stuff a little less, or have an outside perspective on how you might be bumping into each other’s trauma responses.
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