:quality(85):upscale()/2025/02/19/988/n/49351082/82e54d2167b65e92215ff8.55386429_.jpg "Getting “Touched Out” as a Mom Is Totally Normal")
No one ever said parenting was easy, but chances are, whatever you're feeling, someone else is right there with you. For instance, in a recent “Not Gonna Lie” podcast episode, Kylie Kelce and Allison Kuch talked about motherhood and the phenomenon of being “touched out.” Within minutes, it became very clear these NFL WAGs are not alone.
Ali, a 32-year-old new mom, can relate. “When I'm ‘touched out,' it drains me to the point of not wanting much social, emotional, or physical interaction aside from entertaining my baby,” she tells PS. “The mental load is so heavy I sometimes feel like I don't have capacity for caring for anyone other than my baby, and if I have a moment to myself, my brain is flying with all the things she could possibly need right now, in an hour, or in a month.”
But what does being “touched out” really mean? And is this feeling normal (spoiler: yes)? Here's what experts want you to know.
Experts Featured in This Article:
Kelly Brower, MD, IBCLC, is a board-certified pediatrician and lactation consultant at Nemours Children's Health.
Kristin MacGregor, PhD, is a licensed clinical health psychologist and Senior Clinical Director of Integrated Behavioral Health at LifeStance Health.
Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, perinatal and postpartum specialist, and founder of Rachel Goldberg Therapy.
What Does It Mean to Feel “Touched Out?”
“‘Touched out' is a relatively new term, but it's a feeling mothers have been experiencing for years,” says Kelly Brower, MD, IBCLC. It's the feeling of being over-stimulated by frequent to almost constant touch by your children and/or partner, though some women have the same overwhelmed sensation induced by sound and sight, she says.
“It's a sensory overload,” explains Kristin MacGregor, PhD. Think of it like this: you're newly postpartum with your third child, baby is nursing nonstop, and won't nap anywhere but your arms. Meanwhile, a jealous toddler is trying to get in your lap, while the oldest kiddo has said your name 10 times because they want a snack. Oh, and the TV is loud, there are toys all over the floor, the dishwasher is running, every light in the house is on, and your partner sits too close to you on the couch. The result? An unbearably overwhelming mental load.
The exact sensation is different for everyone, but it typically brings on feelings of irritation, disgust, frustration, resentment, or sadness, says Rachel Goldberg, LMFT. “When you're ‘touched out,' it can feel akin to the fight-or-flight response where you tense up, your heart is racing, and you feel warm, or like the unsettling sensation of nails on a chalkboard,” she explains. It can also lead to low libido and decreased interest in sex, adds Dr. MacGregor.
Feeling “touched out” can happen to anyone, but it's especially common in new moms who are breastfeeding and/or pumping. “Whether you're holding, nursing, rocking, or changing a baby, it's nonstop closeness, and while many moms love that bond, it can also become overstimulating and uncomfortable if you have no personal space,” Goldberg says. To add flame to fire, the feeling can also heighten by hormonal changes, lack of sleep, and the never-ending demands of caring for kids.
How to Cope When You're All “Touched Out”
It's completely normal to be exhausted and overstimulated from the demands of parenthood. “Whether you're ‘touched out,' anxious, or overwhelmed, it's valid to have these feelings, but realizing these feelings, and then working on them, is how we grow,” Dr. Brower says. “If your 5-year-old was telling you they didn't want a hug, you would immediately validate that feeling, respect the desire not to be touched, and ask them if they were OK, or if there were any feelings that were leading them to not want to be touched, so moms should expect that same care for themselves.” Here's how to overcome these feelings as a parent:
- Recognize the feeling: “Realize what situations make you feel this way, and if there is a recurring theme you can fix, get to the core of that,” Dr. Brower says. For example, if bathtime overstimulates you because of the constant touch, splashing, and resistance from the kids, but doing the dishes after dinner is a mindless ease that calms you down, consider swapping duties with your partner.
- Talk about it: “It can be most helpful to have these discussions not in the heat of the moment, but when the house is calm and your loved ones can hear you,” MacGregor says. Describe how you feel in a way that avoids inadvertently placing blame, and try using statements like, “When [blank] happens, I feel [blank].” Not only will this release emotion in the moment, but can help prevent it from happening again.
- Take a shower: Getting clean and putting on fresh clothes is another way to cope, Goldberg says. “As new moms, we often end up wearing the same things for days, and after a while, they start to lose their fresh feeling, and when we don't feel fresh, being touched can feel even more overwhelming.”
- Take breaks when you can: “It's OK to put the baby down, and it's OK to ask someone else to hold or soothe them,” Goldberg says. Constant physical contact makes it harder to get the space you need, so whether it's a five-minute meditation, a mindless Target run, or a short walk outside, intentionally give yourself designated space to regroup.
That said, if you're chronically “touched out” and it's causing you distress or interfering with daily life, it's worth seeking additional support. “When these feelings of being overwhelmed, anxious, or sad start to be your driving force rather than background noise, talking to your doctor is always appropriate,” Dr. Brower says. Therapy is another powerful outlet for increasing your repertoire of coping strategies to help manage the complexities of parenthood, MacGregor adds.
Finally, remember that it's OK to feel “touched out,” and it doesn't make you less of a parent. “It makes you an amazing parent to be able to identify and work on your feelings, and showing that insight and growth to your children empowers them to do the same as they get older,” Dr. Brower says. “Women feel pressure to be super mom and do it all, but I encourage you to know your limitations and ask for help, because it doesn't make you less of a mom, it makes you a better one.”
Andi Breitowich is a Chicago-based freelance writer and graduate from Emory University and Northwestern University's Medill School of Journalism. Her work has appeared in PS, Women's Health, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere,
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