Does a Restaurant Owe You Anything for Free on Your Birthday?

Every single person who is reading this has a birthday. Some celebrate the day while others avoid it at all costs, wanting to ignore the passing of time. I have at least a couple of friends who don’t just celebrate the day they were born, but the entire month. 

A birthday feels special until you remember there are about 17.7 million people around the world who have the same birthday you do. That’s not to say it shouldn’t be recognized. Gifts, cards, cake, and all the well-wishes are deserved, but what should someone expect from a restaurant when they go out to celebrate? It all depends on the establishment. 

Should you expect a happy birthday song or cake at a restaurant?

When I worked at a particular chain restaurant, we had complimentary mini birthday cakes for anyone who said it was their special day. We didn’t require proof with a birth certificate or a driver's license. Their word was good enough for us. It was the mid-'90s and I guess we were just more trusting back then. 

Once told, it was my job to go to the walk-in freezer and excavate one of our famous celebratory cakes, looking for one that had not been frozen with a dent in it. It was taken to the kitchen where it went into a microwave to be thawed out. Then I gathered as many of the other servers who either had time or were willing, to sing to them. We would clap, hoot, and holler throughout the dining room garnering as much attention as possible until we got to their table, thawed cake in hand, to sing our version of a birthday song. 

Tinfoil Swans

Most of us at the restaurant were pursuing Broadway careers, but in order to make it fun for us, we sang as poorly as our vocally trained voices would allow. There was one waiter who refused to ever participate. “I only sing at auditions or after an Equity contract is signed.” 

When I worked for an upscale hotel and it was a customer’s birthday, a chef would pipe flowery birthday wishes onto a plate using chocolate and a rolled piece of parchment paper. Neither of these actions were complicated, but they always made the customer feel special.

If you want a birthday fuss, you should ask — and choose the right restaurant

The truth is, no restaurant has an obligation to do anything for a birthday. I’ve worked at places where if a customer told us it was their birthday, they would get a sincere “Happy birthday!” right before we asked them what they’d like to order. That’s it. No free cake, no singing, no nothing. If they ordered dessert, we’d put a candle in it if we had any and I remember once all we could find to light was a candle left over from Hanukkah. 

If you’re looking for a big to-do about the anniversary of your date of birth, choose your restaurant wisely. When making a reservation, some places will ask if there’s a birthday or anniversary happening and in that case, absolutely say yes. This is a place that wants to acknowledge it. It could be an understated, but complimentary, plate of biscotti or it might be like an ice cream parlor I used to go to as child that celebrated with sirens and horns and their sole intention was to embarrass you for aging. 

If it’s a deliberately festive restaurant, a Party City sombrero with the DNA of hundreds of other people might be slapped onto your head and a tequila shot poured down your throat. Birthdays at restaurants are like a box of chocolate, you never know what you’re gonna get — for free.

Don't expect freebies, just be grateful when you get them

You have to take what you can get when it comes to birthdays at restaurants. If they don’t do anything special, we have to remember it’s not their duty. It’s our friends and family who are expected to do something, not the restaurant. No one should be disappointed because a business didn’t offer something free to them for being born. There are some restaurants that will do it, but it’s not required. 

If all they offer for a birthday is a smile, a greeting, great service, and wonderful food, that should be enough — especially if you’re eating with the people in your life who care about you. Happy birthday to you and the other 17.7 million people you share the day with.