Why Singles Are Dating at Saunas and Bathhouses

Claudette Sousa never expected to fall in love at a sauna.

In March 2021, Sousa met a man named Zee at a mutual friend's birthday party. They quickly hit it off, though Sousa felt hesitant about Zee's obvious interest, since she was taking a break from dating after ending a 10-year relationship. But Zee was sweet and attentive — and he gave her butterflies, which was something she hadn't felt in a long time.

It brought a cool dynamic because I was there with somebody I liked, so it was even more exhilarating.

For their first date, Zee suggested going to Othership, a trendy Toronto spa featuring saunas and ice baths with guided breathwork and meditation classes. When the day finally came, Sousa was nervous, fidgeting with her black one-piece swimsuit, but Zee assured her they could leave the second she became uncomfortable.

As soon as Sousa walked into the spa, however, her fears dissipated.

“I felt like I had entered an airplane or a ship and that I was going on a journey,” Sousa, now 46, recalls. “I'd never been to a co-ed bathhouse before. It brought a cool dynamic because I was there with somebody I liked, so it was even more exhilarating.”

The pair started their guided meditation session in the dimly lit sauna, sitting close together in a way that felt “nerve-racking but exciting” to Sousa. When it was time for the ice bath, Sousa couldn't help herself: She slid her foot closer to his, just touching his pinky toe.

“He looked at me and we looked at each other. We just got really giddy and went into the cold plunge,” Sousa says. “It was an intense experience, like I'd gotten baptized.”

After the cold plunge, Zee held a shivering Sousa and walked her back to the sauna. To Sousa, it was an unexpectedly perfect first date, one that allowed them to connect deeply in a way she hadn't before — so much so that she and Zee returned to Othership on successive dates.

Sousa isn't the only one who's found romantic connection in spas. Urban bathhouses have exploded in popularity in recent years, driven by surging consumer interest in wellness, self-care, and social connection. With their co-ed soaking pools, guided rituals, and lounges meant for lingering conversation, modern bathhouses have emerged not only as social self-care spots, but also as unexpected hubs for romance. It's hardly a new phenomenon: bathhouses have long served as vital spaces for privacy and sexual expression for the queer community, dating back to Ancient Greece.

The idea for Othership — where Sousa and Zee's romance sparked — started in 2019, when Emily Bent and her partner Robbie set up an ice bath in their backyard. The couple had had their first date at a Russian banya, located in the back alley of a dingy strip mall, and wanted to re-create that experience at home.

“It was amazing to feel the presence of someone you're with, to spend undivided, meaningful time together,” Bent says. “It really allows you to slow down and build that authentic connection.”

Bent and Robbie, a former alcoholic, drew inspiration from the hammams, temazcal sweat lodges, and saunas they visited on their travels, aiming to build an alcohol-free social community. They began inviting their friends to their makeshift spa, and word quickly spread. “I'd wake up in the morning, go down to the kitchen and make coffee, and there would already be a dozen people in the backyard,” Bent says.

In 2022, the Bents opened Othership in downtown Toronto, equipped with state-of-the-art saunas, ice baths, and a communal space. It was so popular that they opened a second location in Toronto and a third in Manhattan, with a fourth planned for Williamsburg. Bathhouse, another sleek social spa with thermal pools, saunas, and cold plunges, also opened in the trendy Brooklyn neighborhood in 2019 before expanding to Manhattan in early 2024.

The first time Kristen Cheung went to Bathhouse in New York City in October 2024, she was drawn to its relaxed nature, describing it as a “third space” where people could linger and mingle. She also noticed the spa-goers were “fit and attractive.”

Cheung had recently started using dating apps, to limited success. She says that “being on the apps is kind of like the prisoner's dilemma of game theory,” echoing the popular notion that users are incentivized to swipe right on a large number of potential partners, even if they aren't genuinely interested. This ultimately results in incompatible matches — a suboptimal outcome for everyone involved. Bathhouse, on the other hand, offered an organic way to meet others.

“Bathhouses bring the realness — the real humanity — back into dating, as opposed to this weird algorithm matchmaking in dating apps,” Cheung says. She also appreciated that mingling at saunas struck a fine balance between being overly intentional, since most people weren't there primarily to find dates, and lacking thoughtfulness entirely, like getting hit on at a rowdy bar.

“If this person's going to ask me out sober, there's a lot more intention to that, whereas if someone's asking at a bar, it feels maybe a little cheap, maybe a little unsafe,” Cheung says. “But I feel like the people going to bathhouses are more into self-care, so that energy and mentality feels safer and more attractive.”

Modern spas are taking note. In September 2024, Othership launched its first singles night, where date-seekers are given prompts that encourage meaningful interaction, like: “What's a small thing that brought you joy recently?” and “What's a memory that makes you smile?” Since Othership is a phone-free zone, there are “connection cards” for people to write their phone numbers on. The 120 spots at each of the spa's three singles nights have sold out far in advance, according to Bent.

“People are looking for ways to connect in a healthy way,” Bent says, citing the recent decline of drinking. “Being able to open yourself up, that's really what alcohol does for people. It allows them to feel less nervous and more free to express themselves. But you can do that with the hot and cold as well,” she explains, referring to saunas and ice baths.

The intimacy and vulnerability fostered at bathhouses might not guarantee romance, but for some, they create an ideal setting for connection. Sousa is one of them: In 2022, she and Zee celebrated their wedding, dancing to Essie Jain's “Oh I Love You.” It was the same song that played at Othership when they shared their first kiss, surrounded by steam and the quiet closeness of strangers.

Yoonji Han is a New York-based writer and journalist. She primarily writes about culture, human interest issues, and communities both nationally and internationally, and was most recently an award-winning reporter covering race and identity at Business Insider.