Why It’s OK to Let Kids Get Bored Over the Summer

Every afternoon between 3 and 5 p.m., Ashleigh Surratt’s three kids have nothing to do. Sure, there are some boundaries, like “no jumping off random things” and “hurting each other is not OK.” But otherwise, it’s entirely up to the kids, all under the age of 4, to figure out for themselves how to fill the time.

“The first two weeks I started this, it was terrible,” Surratt tells Popsugar. “There were a lot of tears, and I got really overstimulated really quickly. But now I find that their best play comes maybe about 10 minutes after we start ‘boredom hour.'”

Surratt isn’t the only one intentionally giving her kids time to get bored this summer. Whether they call it “kid rotting” or letting children have a “wild summer,” more parents are talking about simplifying summertime by skipping camp and other back-to-back activities in favor of allowing kids to just . . . chill. And experts are here for it.

“In the 30-year span of my career, unstructured time has decreased into almost nonexistence,” says child psychologist Sandra L. Whitehouse, PhD. “Kids go from school to after-school sports or activities, and then into summer day programs or sleepaway camps.”

You can blame it on the pressure today’s parents face to shape their kids into competitive college applicants, or perhaps the pervasive, social media–driven mom guilt over any uncomfortable lulls in the day. “As a parent, we think that’s our problem to solve. Maybe unconsciously, we think it’s a barometer for whether or not we’re a good parent,” says clinical psychologist Becky Kennedy, PhD.

But by always giving kids so much stimulation, its absence can feel especially extreme, so they inadvertently may be quicker to feel — and whine about being — bored, Dr. Kennedy says. “It’s also a reason why boredom is so important,” she adds. Many children have grown used to getting a consistent dopamine hit from all the activities adults have organized for them. Learning to get by without that is actually super healthy.

Experts Featured in This Article

Sandra L. Whitehouse, PhD, is the associate clinical director and a senior psychologist at the Child Mind Institute.

Becky Kennedy, PhD, is the founder of the online parenting service Good Inside.

“Boredom might be exactly the reset their brain needs,” Dr. Kennedy says. “If we can hold space for it (instead of rushing in to fill it), kids start to stretch new muscles: frustration tolerance, creativity, problem-solving. These are the building blocks of resilience.” Having unstructured time also allows kids to build skills like experiencing their world on their own, feeling their feelings, and organically connecting with peers — traits that are essential to success as a child, teen, or adult, Dr. Whitehouse adds.

“Boredom might be exactly the reset their brain needs.”

Surratt says that, at first, she thought her toddlers were too little to handle two hours of deciding what to do all on their own. “All my 1-year-old wants to do when she’s bored is dump out the cereal box,” she says. “But I then realized, she is finding her own way of play. I’m watching her pick up, squish the cereal, play with the different textures. She’s sitting there for far longer than she would have had I given her a crinkle book on a nice blanket.” When Surratt stopped trying to always curate fun for her toddlers, it unlocked new parts of their imaginations, and they started to play games she never could have thought up herself, she says.

The many benefits of downtime became especially obvious to Dr. Whitehouse during the lockdown stage of the pandemic when she saw a surge of usually overscheduled teenagers get admitted to the acute inpatient psychiatric hospital where she was working. “They simply didn’t know what to do with themselves, didn’t have a sense of their identities beyond being overachievers,” she says. “They hadn’t yet developed age-appropriate emotional awareness or coping strategies because they were too busy to experience their emotions, let alone learn to cope with them.”

But let’s be honest: de-escalating summer activities doesn’t only benefit kids. It also takes pressure off of parents to serve as their children’s de facto “cruise director” throughout July and August. “Signing up for less means a lighter mental load for me,” says Stephanie Seferian, a podcaster and mom of two girls, ages 8 and 11. Summer camps and activities can be ridiculously competitive to get into, with stiff fees, stressful logistics, and sometimes busy back-and-forth commutes. By embracing a more old-school, you-do-you approach to summer, Seferian feels she herself is able to slow down (and be a better, less overwhelmed mom).

The bonus of this is twofold. Obviously, parents get a little breathing room. But Dr. Whitehouse also points out that seeing adults be comfortable with their own free time helps kids feel more equipped to handle it themselves. Similarly, when parents don’t jump in to solve their kids’ boredom, it sends a message: There’s nothing wrong with being bored. “Kids can only learn to tolerate feelings we tolerate in them,” Dr. Kennedy says. “By tolerating boredom yourself, your child will learn to as well.”

Of course, not every family is able to let their kids get bored: If both parents work outside the home, for example, and there’s no grandma’s house nearby to drop the kids off at, they often have no choice but to enroll everyone in supervised activities over the summer.

Also, not all kids can handle boredom the same way. For some neurodivergent kids or those with anxiety or mood disorders, it’s not just uncomfortable — it can be downright triggering. “Boredom is not just, ‘I don’t know what to do.’ It’s, ‘I feel untethered and overwhelmed,'” Dr. Kennedy says.

Meanwhile, children with a high need for stimulation might find not-so-great ways to entertain themselves, Dr. Whitehouse warns. They’ll act up just to create some excitement, knowing that if they damage things or break rules, they’ll get some of the attention they’re craving. “Parents may worry they can’t leave these children alone for a second or Armageddon occurs,” she says.

Even among families who can let their kids go a bit more feral, the practice isn’t without its challenges. Surratts admits that things can end up broken in her house by 5 p.m. Other days, she’s left to clean up a giant mess. “Sometimes I feel like the cost was not really worth it,” she says.

Another pitfall? As much as adults might imagine nostalgic summer days spent taking bike rides to the park and ice cream parlor, many kids today are all too happy to fill every hour of their free time on their phone or the family iPad. “Screen time defeats the purpose,” Dr. Whitehead says. “It’s a distraction.”

That’s why psychologists and parents alike say it’s helpful to give downtime some scaffolding, particularly for kids who struggle with it: Schedule the free time intentionally (“when a child expects boredom, they’re less likely to interpret it as a problem,” Dr. Kennedy says); suggest an activity or two at the beginning so they have some healthy ideas to start with; and set clear limits around how much — and what kind of — screen time is allowed.

Then again, maybe we don’t need to overthink it. Boredom doesn’t have to be another thing that parents carefully manage in order to optimize their children’s lives. Maybe downtime is just that: a way to give kids (and parents) a break during summer vacation.

“Children don’t always have to be striving for something,” Seferian says. “They can just be.”

Jennifer Heimlich is a writer and editor with more than 15 years of experience in fitness and wellness journalism. She previously worked as the senior fitness editor for Well+Good and the editor in chief of Dance Magazine. A UESCA-certified running coach, she’s written about running and fitness for publications like Shape, GQ, Runner’s World, and The Atlantic.