What to Do If Your Romantic Partner Voted For Trump

You know your partner is the one. You share similar goals, enjoy the same hobbies, and they have your coffee order down to a tee. They’re as close to perfect as you could hope for, but there’s one thing: they voted for Donald Trump in the most recent election.

Fresh off of the election results, depending your side of the political aisle, you’ve likely grappled with feelings of grief, defeat, sadness, and emptiness — something your partner hasn’t understood at all. But as you think more deeply about the implications of the election, you wonder how your partner, someone you know to be kind, empathetic, and otherwise perfect, could vote for a candidate like Trump.

The feeling is nauseating, but this also doesn’t seem like enough reason to break up with them. Your partner is perfect, after all. So what do you do now?

If this scenario describes your relationship currently, you’re not the only woman asking themself where to go from here: Many women are opening up about these same feelings online, searching for support and comfort.

Under one TikTok video, one commenter wrote, “If someone figures out what to do, let me know because all the girls getting grace and sympathy from their partners is crushing me inside.” Another wrote, “It’s somewhat comforting to know other people are in the same situation as me. It just breaks my heart, and I thought I knew him.”

Below, relationship expert Frankie Bashan, PsyD, explains where you can go from here.

Experts Featured in This Article

Frankie Bashan, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist, relationship coach, and dating expert. She is also the CEO of LittleGayBook.com, a personalized matchmaking service.

What to Do If Your Otherwise “Perfect” Partner Voted For Trump

According to Dr. Bashan, it may be in your best interest to accept that everyone has a choice, and it was your partner’s choice to vote for Trump. “We have to allow people to be who they are — we can’t expect them to act, think, or behave exactly as we do.” But if this is something you are having a hard time accepting, it may mean that you and your partner don’t share the same values.

If you and your partner don’t share the same values — something that’s crucial in relationships — it could mean you and your partner aren’t as compatible as you thought. If this is the case, you may have to decide how important it is for you to have a partner who aligns with your political stance.

That said, the decision to vote for Trump goes above someone’s political stance. In this election, Trump was not just the Republican nominee. He is also a convicted felon, someone who has been accused of sexual assault, and helped lay the foundation for the overturning Roe v. Wade. When considering your relationship with someone who voted for a candidate like this, you have to decide whether that’s a deal breaker or not.

If it’s not a deal breaker for you, know that it is possible to have different political differences in your relationship. “You can have different political views but still respect each other’s differences and enjoy each other’s company,” Dr. Bashan says. “But if you’re judging or criticizing each other, or trying to convince the other to think or vote the way you do, that’s an issue.”

Dr. Bashan encourages you to communicate with your partner about how you’re feeling without criticizing your partner’s choice to vote for Trump. In a respectful way, you can share all the reasons why you chose not to vote for Trump, and why you feel disheartened that your partner did.

She also suggests seeing a couples therapist or relationship coach. A professional can help you recognize whether these differences are workable or not. “See what’s most important to you in the relationship, and then ultimately, you have to make a choice,” Dr. Bashan says.

At the end of the day, Dr. Bashan does not find that breaking up is the solution if the only thing you disagree with your partner about is politics. “If everything else or most things in your life are compatible and there’s a lot of love, respect, and joy in the relationship, we owe it to ourselves to respect and accept differences. We don’t need our partner to think, feel, and act exactly as we do,” she says.

But it’s also OK if you can’t get past your partner’s decision to vote for Trump. In a time where women’s rights are on the line (among many other dangerous policies), it’s entirely valid to feel disappointed and even betrayed by your partner’s decision. If your values around this election touch on core beliefs that define who you are and what you stand for, that’s an important feeling to honor.

Every relationship comes with its own share of complexities, but finding clarity about what’s most important to you can help you make a choice that feels right. If that’s breaking up with your partner — even if it is for “political differences” — that’s completely valid. You can find a partner who you share similar goals with, enjoy the same hobbies with, who remembers your coffee order, and who also didn’t vote for Trump.

Taylor Andrews (she/her) is the balance editor at PS, specializing in topics relating to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, travel, and more. With seven years of editorial experience, Taylor has a strong background in content creation and storytelling. Prior to joining PS in 2021, she worked at Cosmopolitan.