It is a truth universally acknowledged that any true rom-com fan must be in want of a Laura Dern-gets-her-groove-back vehicle, and that’s exactly what Netflix hath delivered unto us with Lonely Planet, a new film from Erin Brockovich screenwriter Susannah Grant that features Dern as a novelist who heads to Morocco for a writer’s retreat and meets a handsome young man by the name of Liam Hemsworth (or whatever his name is in the movie; I’m going to call him Liam Hemsworth). May-December romance fans, ahoy! Let’s dive in, shall we?
- When a movie starts with that little “ding” sound you hear on a plane, you know the protagonist is going places.
- Literally.
- We’re approaching Marrakech, Morocco!
- A refreshing lack of the Global South yellow filter (so far).
- Laura Dern! Every time I see her, I hear her scream “ISAIDTHANKYOOOOOOOU” on Big Little Lies in my head.
- Sheep! In the road! Not as exciting as a Laura Dern sighting, but still pretty cool.
- Oh, no, Laura Dern’s luggage got lost.
- Not going to the first-night dinner on a press trip because you’re tired is very relatable, I must say.
- Just kidding! Please still invite me on press trips, media powers that be!
- Hey, it’s Liam Hemsworth! With a girlfriend! Who is not Laura Dern!
- The shirt he’s wearing looks dangerously close to a henley, although upon second examination, I think it’s just a polo.
- Ooh, it sounds like Laura Dern is going through a bad divorce. Or maybe has already concluded one? Either way, some man is pissed at her.
- Let’s get our Eat Pray Love on, girlfriend!
- Actually, maybe we can skip “pray.”
- Diana Silvers as a love interest for anyone but Kaitlyn Dever makes me upset.
- I do like her chunky highlights, though, I must say.
- Wait, is Liam Hemsworth also a writer? Or just weirdly supportive of his GF?
- A man who turns down an Ambien because he has a call scheduled? No fun! Dump him!
- No clue what this call is about, but I gather it’s important.
- Ooh, Liam and Laura are meeting!
- Wow, even their names sound good together.
- An annoying reporter on a press trip? That’s me!
- “I see your face in bed a lot,” followed by the girlfriend reveal? Come on, Liam!
- This makes me think of SATC’s Sam Jones lamenting guys who are obsessed with letting you know they have a girlfriend right away. We get it, dude!
- My God, this village is picturesque.
- Laura Dern was born to casually quote Flaubert in a movie.
- Liam has four sisters, so we know he’s a Good Guy.
- Sorry, my brand-new puppy was freaking out for the last four minutes, so I missed the context behind Laura and Liam’s meet-cute, but things seem to be progressing apace.
- Ah, Liam’s GF Diana Silvers is a big fan of Laura’s novels. Interesting.
- Laura, don’t travel anywhere (especially not to a foreign country) if you can’t handle a tiny bit of yelling in the background!
- Maybe I’m just smug because I’ve trained myself to write to the din of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, to be fair.
- Ah, cool, Liam’s job is…coal mining, somehow.
- “Clean coal,” LOL.
- Writer girlinas, I beg of you: Do not bring your extraction-bro boyfriend on a retreat, because he will get correctly roasted by all the socialists.
- Oh man, Laura lost a farmhouse in her divorce?
- Laura published her first book in college? Zadie Smith vibes!
- Laura eviscerating Liam for clearly being a former high school sports bro is so cathartic and hot to me.
- I know Liam was saying “How come you can’t finish your book at home?” to Laura, but as someone who spends $40 every other weekday to “work” at my local lesbian all-day cafe, I’m taking it as a personal attack.
- Ooh, dramatic confession time just nearly averted!
- In the most appropriate, respectful way possible, may I say: Diana Silvers looks really good in a tank top.
- So does Liam Hemsworth, for that matter.
- “Come find me when you’re in a better mood” is actually a very mature and devastating own to deliver.
- Liam is angrily riding a motorcycle through the streets of Marrakech, as one does.
- That’s the way, man! Watch local sports! Drink a local beer! Hug local guys! Forget about girls!
- If you are in Morocco and (as Laura is right now) turning down anything at all that comes served out of a tagine, you are simply an idiot.
- I don’t care if you’re full! Eat a bite of that harira!
- I want to lie on a floaty in a Moroccan pool right now.
- I’ve never actually been on a writer’s retreat; is this what they’re like?
- Liam Hemsworth’s facial hair is perfectly calibrated in this movie, I must say.
- Wow, really, Liam? Your bosses in the natural-resource-extraction business aren’t nice?
- Oh, he’s an eco-antagonist with a heart of gold who’s actually on the side of the West Virginia coal miner. Cool :/
- Laura’s divorced from a sculptor? So Meryl-coded.
- This guy really is kind of a dick to his girlfriend Diana Silvers, who is just trying to have fun on her trip.
- “You always find a way to ruin the things I’m excited about” is a rough way to feel about your partner! Do better, cishet men.
- Good for Diana for breaking up with him!
- Laura’s really just listening to their whole breakup through her wall, huh?
- Bro, you’re going to “stay out of her way” but not just go home so she can actually enjoy the retreat? I hate this man! Go frack something!
- Ooh la la, scandalous Laura/Liam shoulder-kiss scene.
- “I could fall for a kid like you”?????? Damn.
- Okay, Liam didn’t like that.
- Hannah Horvath’s boyfriend called her “kid,” and you didn’t hear her complaining about it, man! Although maybe she should have?
- Liam’s leaving to “do some exploring.” Ugh.
- He invites Laura!
- Parasailing montage!
- Oh, that was other people parasailing. Our lovers are just holding hands on the beach.
- Sex scene!
- A pretty good one, too, if I may be so bold.
- Feeding each other olives? Inctedible.
- “You know I love an olive.” He already knows this about her?
- I really don’t care what happens with this man’s coal deal.
- Laura’s going home 🙁
- Alone 🙁 🙁
- Solo Liam surfside shot 🙁 🙁 🙁
- God help me, I love a last-minute rekindling.
- I do wish Laura Dern’s actual character Katherine Loewe’s last name were pronounced lo-WAY-vey.
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