Beyond the Order — Unveiling the Real Meanings Behind Customer Requests

Restaurant customers sometimes use a kind of vague, roundabout way of speaking that makes it difficult to know if what they say is what they actually mean. When Alice is having tea with the March Hare and the Mad Hatter in Wonderland, they tell her to say what she means, but she thinks meaning what she says is the same thing. 

“Not the same thing a bit!” says the Mad Hatter. “You might just as well say that ‘I see what I eat’ is the same thing as ‘I eat what I see!’” 

At work, I am the Mad Hatter, the customers are Alice, and the restaurant is one big chaotic tea party with a sleepy dormouse that we call the manager and I decipher the meaning of the words that fall from the lips of my customers.

I know when you want more liquor

When someone orders an alcoholic beverage and asks that it be made strong or with less ice, that’s code for “add more liquor.” Every bartender and server knows that’s what they mean, but every customer is going to be disappointed when that drink shows up to the table with the specific pour of ounces as decided way before the drink was ordered. Less ice does not mean more liquor, it just means the glass won’t be as full. The bartender is happy to give you less ice, but don't expect the liquor level to rise. If you want it to be stronger, say that and then pay for a double.

If you just don't like something, don't say you're allergic

Very often, a customer will say they’re allergic to something when they mean they just don't like it. Don't create a huge backstory about the allergic reactions you might experience if there’s coconut in the dessert. Coconut allergies are very rare, affecting less than .39% of the US population, so if I’m told that everyone at the table is allergic to it, I will cry jabberwocky. And, are you really allergic to cilantro or are you one of the 4-14% of people who think cilantro tastes like soap? Say what you mean: I don’t like it, please leave it out. 

Be honest about when your party is arriving

Most restaurants won't seat an incomplete party and if a customer tells the host their missing member will be right there, we want to believe you, but we have been burned too many times. “Parking the car” and “right down the street” means they are on the way, but it doesn’t mean they’ll be there in 30 seconds. 

It's OK to ask where the bathroom is

Those of us in the service industry have gotten pretty good at reading between the lies, I mean lines and translating phrase after phrase: “Do you have a bathroom?” Yes, of course we have a bathroom. Instead of asking if we have one, ask where it is so we can give directions. 

If you want a vodka and soda, order it that way

“I’ll have a Tito’s and vodka.” I don’t know why this order happens so often but it does. It means they want a Tito’s and soda, but ask any server if they’ve had someone order it this way and they will answer affirmatively. I'm not strange, weird, off, nor crazy, my reality is just different from yours, and Tito’s and vodka is a double vodka, not a vodka and soda.

I know you're just trying to make lemonade

“Can I get extra lemons and sugar?” Anyone who has worked in a restaurant for more than two days knows this translates to “I want a lemonade, but don’t want to pay for it.”

Do you actually want the sauce?

“I’ll have the sauce on the side.” More often than not, this means that the customer doesn’t want the sauce at all. Maybe they’re concerned about portion control and empty calories, but most of the time it means I’ll be throwing that ramekin of sauce into the garbage at the end of the meal.

You don't have to justify wanting dessert

“We’re gonna be bad.” This is the phrase that a customer will use to justify their decision to order dessert. Maybe they say it to impress upon me that this is out of their usual behavior, but trust me. I want desserts to be ordered. The more I sell, the more my potential tips is and it’s curiouser and curiouser that anyone needs to explain wanting dessert.

Admit you just want ranch

“What salad dressings do you have?” Most of the time, I interpret this as “I want ranch dressing” and when I rattle off the list of the nine other options and they order what I knew they wanted, to begin with it takes a lot for me to not bellow, “Off with their heads!”